Monday, May 21, 2007
Patrick Brown, Captain, Ladder 3
Laid to Rest on December 29, 2001
Every September the leaves on the trees begin to change, the energy of New York City picks up. For those of us who where downtown Sept 11th, 2001, that day will forever flash in our minds. When we reflect, lets pray for peace. A special heart filled thought goes to Captain Patrick Brown whenever I think of September 11th I think of him and I hope he is flying with God, may all those who perished, friends and families find peace.
On September 11th, 2001, I was practicing yoga with Shri K Pattabhi Jois in NYC, that particular morning we had moved to Chelsea Piers. We just finished practicing with a large group of yogis and I went for tea with a fellow yoga teacher after our practice. The cafe window at Chelsea Piers health club faced the twin towers. Right before the first plane hit, I gazed upward and as I did, I thought to myself, that plane is flying very low a man jumped out of his seat and ran to the door someone said he was a policeman. As I sat, in utter dismay, I observed both planes crash into the world trade center and eventually the collapse of both buildings. I remained stranded at Chelsea Piers for a few more hours, unable to move my car and watching helplessly. That evening I went to the Jivamukti Yoga Center and taught a yoga class. Most of us where uncomfortable and deeply sad but grateful to have a yoga center where we could practice together in satsang an this horrible day. I had been naïve to think I would never witness war however, there it was before me, just a few city blocks away as I watched in dismay and shock. That night I called Patrick to say "let me know your ok" unfortunately that phone call was never returned. At the funeral I heard; Patrick was told to evacuate but Patrick said “are you nuts we have a job to do”, next he was heard calling for a gurney.
Often in yoga class, Patrick and I would practice in the back of the room and one day I remember saying, Patty if there is a fire in the building, you will show me the way out, right?…..I new he would do what he has always done, try to save lives. As is evident by Pats last transmission "Brown: I'm on the 35th floor, okay, okay? Just relay to the command post we're trying to get up. There's numerous civilians at all stairwells, numerous burn injuries are coming down. I'm trying to send them down first. Apparently it's above the 75th floor. I don't know if they got there yet. Okay, Three Truck and we are still heading up. Okay? Thank you. Okay" The tower collapsed on his team on their way up to save lives.
The events of September 11th propelled my desire to read and study the Bagavad Gita, because of its reference to war I had resistance toward the text, now I find Arjuna's struggle gives me hope and understanding even about Partick. In the Bagavad Gita "Arjuna calls for compassion as he is faced with battle, the answer he receives from Krishna is, “don’t go without complete commitment for this is a lack of strength in your heart, so stand up”! His mind is muddled with confusion as he throws himself at the feet of his teachers and begs for their blessing to fight them. Krishna instructs Arjuna to go beyond his confusion for he must see that pleasure and pain are not different he must see that limitations and lack of limitations are the same and that the keen one is ready for deathlessness. Krishna says listen up yogi I am going to teach you to awaken. Then you shall never be conflicted by the limitation on action or the bonds of karma. No energy is wasted in the action of practice of a buddi yogi and this shall carry you over great fear. You must be single-minded, be firm in your purpose and do not waiver. The chittam (fluctuations) of the mind will bind you so clarify the inside of your mind".
I was not prepared for the everlasting imprint of Patrick’s life on my heart as well as the events of September 11th. Patrick and I frequently spoke before yoga class and shared our own personal life stories. When I invited him to attend my graduation at Jivamukti, he was sure to be there, he said "I need the right date Felise so I can get the guys at the firehouse to cover me that night". He sat in the front of the room with the sincerity of a true yoga aspirant, it was so sweet to have him there and I will remember his face as I looked into the crowd. I once said to Patrick you should become a Yoga teacher and he shyly replied, "I cant even touch my toes" but in my eyes he was far more of a yogi then he would admit. Every day in September for as long I live I will dedicate my practice as a student and teacher to Captain Brown of FDNY, a friend and yogi.
In a final thought I must say.......I do not believe in "Holy War" there is nothing HOLY about war! But I do believe in Karma and I wonder how will this all play out in the cosmic scheme of things.
Felise Berman Copyright ©1994- 2007. All rights reserved. Revised: Monday, May 21, 2007
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