Tuesday, May 29, 2007
To view photos from India http://www.pbase.com/byb2005
I had never been to India before this trip and it was an exceptionally long trip from the east coast of the United States, first stop London and then all the way to Calcutta. Before I went to India, I felt it was the single most important trip a yoga teacher must take and now after a long and difficult journey, I feel completely sure of that. When I arrived in Calcutta I stayed in a very quaint middle-income hotel called the Fairlawn. Three meals per day where included in the price. The first day I slept to recover from the time zone change and I was grateful to have food prepared for me at the hotel. Calcutta was the first India city I saw and it was without a doubt third world. As I pulled up to the hotel all I saw was a large hole in the road from the monsoon season and then a driveway which we pulled into. During my second day I went outside to explore for one hour and when I returned from my walk I was covered with dirt and grime. Dirt became a common theme for me India, I was always trying to get clean and without a hot bath, interesting metaphor, cleansing my soul. The first thing I did when I got home 6 months later was take a long hot bath and I have a new found gratitude for the simple pleasures in life.
Three days after my arrival in Calcutta, I left on an overnight train to Jamalpur in Munger, the taxi driver put me on the wrong train and in the middle of the night, I had to change trains. This was the first frightening moment, alone, in the middle of the night, on a train platform with too much luggage and not one person who spoke English but I ended up in Munger. I met a man on the train who was a disciple of Swami Satyananda and he called a friend to pick me up in Munger. The man arrived with his two children and shuttled me to the ashram but not before he took me to his home to meet his wife, That is the beauty and power of the guru.
Upon arrival at the Bihar school I was admitted to a shared room, a challenge for me as I was placed in a room with a Spanish woman who did not speak English, a Karma Sanyassin. One day she got so angry with me that she gave me the middle finger, because I did not clean the room her way. The other Spanish speaking roommate completely excluded me from their interactions and together they disregarded mouna, silence after 6:00 pm. After one month of this unalterable situation I moved into a community room and slept on the floor. One of my favorite swamis came into the common room and told me to move back into my room. My higher self observed, there I was lying on my belly in the common room on the floor because I was so hot, my inner child alive and well having a tantrum....... so I moved back. The ashram seems to take great pleasure in pushing you to your limits forcing you to change. Two months into the program after much effort on my part and high resistance from the Ashram they granted me permission to move into another room and only because I was physically sick with giardia (undiagnosed until I returned home) and was seeing a doctor whom I asked to help me. As it turned out the roommate who gave me the finger was dishonest about her entry into the program and was not permitted to graduate, due to her inability to test in English which was a prerequisite for the program and the other woman later left saying the program was not for her. The course began at the end of a very hot season so it was around 90 -100 degrees for the first month in Munger. I personally suffered without air conditioning and I am not sure what was worse extreme heat or cold, I endured both. My reaction to extremes are a clear test for overcoming likes and dislikes. The last month it was freezing (for me anyway). It got so cold there at night, I never felt warm, always I felt cold to the bone and there is no heat or hot water.
We had a few weeks to adjust before the program started many people left feeling this course was not for them. I wanted to leave but conquered my tendency to run away, perhaps that was the greatest spiritual lesson of all. Before I left, my teacher said to me "do not have a back up plan" and I knew exactly what she meant. Every day I thought of a back up plan and even attempted to leave a few times by packing my bags and shipping things home. While in India I realized back in America, I live a sheltered life, air-conditioning, heating and air purifiers. This place was a complete shock to my nervous system. We slept on wood beds with mosquito nets around the bed in the 100-degree weather; the fans were barely enough to cool me off and I was sweating profusely all the time, so I slept on the cold floor. We could not drink the tap water only special filtered water, which we walked to every day and filled up our containers. We used our own utensils but most ate with their hands and cleaned them outside in a fountain with ash. The showers are cold in the winter and hot in the summer. The toilets are squat toilets and you will be cleaning them so bring rubber gloves. I cleaned alot of toilets and most of the time threw up while doing it, I never got over that! The amount of Karma Yoga far exceeds the amount of yoga asana and if you are looking to continue your education in asana or continuing education as a yoga teacher this four month program is not for you. If you are looking to shock your system in every way as means of transformation then you might like this place. The nights where filled with sounds of dogs barking, cows mooing, pigs squealing, women screaming, trains passing and music playing just outside the ashram all night long, so bring good earplugs. Munger is dirty, as many Indian cities are and right outside the ashram are very poor families living in mud huts. The morning yoga class starts at 5:00 am then we did karma yoga, for me it was cleaning our dorm, next theory class, meditation, lunch, afternoon cooking and evening gardening, dinner, kirtans/satsang, non-stop for 4 months. During the course we were required to setup a festival the Shat Chandi Maha Yajna ceremony a 6-day fire ceremony calling forth the Devi energy for her blessings. However it was the 20 days of intense Karma Yoga for the students that tested ones willingness to serve. If you got sick you were asked to go to a hospital or if sick in bed you still had to get your own food down the road but everyone thinks its an extraordinary experience. I had encounters with some of the coordinators/disciples that where very difficult, it seemed there where alot of controlling people telling me what to do all the time.
During the Festival I turned to Devi for a sublime experience and relied on the sound vibration of the pandits chanting mantras to carry me beyond my mind and the various personalities. At the at Sita Kaliyan Festival I was assigned the task of packing prasad but my allergies made it impossible to continue so I was sent to clean toilets and then I was placed on a mobile cleaning team, which turned out to be washing of affluent Indian men's hands after they urinate and defecate. Honestly, I rebelled, I did not mind peeling potatoes but this was pushing it, someone else perhaps more evolved then I would have done it with a smile. I found myself drawn to where the pandits where chanting and it was the place I longed to be, so for the duration of the program, when I could go, that became my spiritual experience, the energy was sublime nadam. Upon our groups return from Rikhia we were required to set up yet another program in Munger, because they received a building permit and the ashram was going to have a week long land blessing, this turned out to be thousands of people each day and more karma yoga for us. It seems if you believe in this lifestyle you gladly serve until you drop and people did drop literally. At this point the students where exhausted and a few student whom I spoke with felt overused. The certification course had 89 people from 35 countries. Most people left as soon as they took the exam and on the day we where awarded our certificates only 10 people from the class remained. I am proud to say I was one of the remaining students, stubborn or spiritual I am not sure which one, perhaps both.
The highlight of my trip was the opportunity to see and hear (not talk with) Paramahamsa Satyananda Saraswati who is the founder of Bihar Yoga Bharati. However the greatest benefit was living in the ashram with Paramahamsa Niranjananda Saraswati, whom has been named successor and guru of this lineage. He is a benevolent soul whom I have come to love and admire. He truly was the reason I stayed. Swami Niranjan was initiated as a sanyassin at the age of 10, he lives his life with graceful dignity, he also has a very serious sense of purpose to serve his guru, which I deeply admire. In conclusion you must search your heart to know where you need to be in your yoga practice. If you feel compelled to follow this tradition, I recommend you come here, however if you are devoted to another tradition and already have a guru you might want to think twice. I felt conflicted in Bihar and longed for my personal sadhana. We were asked to forgo our former practice to take this course. I made a conscious decision while in Bihar to maintain the focus on my growth and did as I was told, most of the time. No matter what, I will grow wherever I am planted and find sustenance from my connection with a GOD of my understanding, which I am fully committed to. The journey was long, arduous and the layers of armor I built around myself have slowly peeled away and that is the purpose of Karma Yoga. Karma Yoga is the practice of service, a willingness to dedicate all your efforts to something other than yourself and it occupied most of my time when I was in India. In between karma yoga we had classes, which I had very little energy to focus on. Many times I felt the karma yoga was demoralizing and I constantly struggled with that on every level, anyway I did my best battling my resistance, overcoming my ego and dealing with a barrage of health issues and personalities. I survived, returned home and went back to my life as a yoga teacher. Upon my return I was diagnosed with multiple digestive disorders as a result of my time in India. Most people, unfortunately get parasites in India, at one time the whole dorm was sick with diarrhea.
The greatest moment in India happened one hour before I left when I received initiation from Swami Niranjan, my only moment alone with him, I will always savor that moment as a divine blessing. Before I left I requested initiation and I believe Swami Niranjan and I both knew if he allowed me leave without this encounter, I would never recover from my time there. I will access his kindness to heal my wounds and open my heart to forgive those who treated me with contempt. I will remember the few Swamis who treated me with compassion. In the end I could not wait to get home to my beloved teachers. Nothing was sweeter than coming home, to sleep in my own warm bed and go back to my personal practice. But what I enjoy the most about being home is teaching and all the wonderful students who come to my classes and whom I appreciate now more than ever.
Felise Berman Copyright ©1994- 2007. All rights reserved. Revised: Tuesday, May 29, 2007
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To view photos from India http://www.pbase.com/byb2005